Chairs & Rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. . .
Hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. . .
Toys: Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a Good Toy. . .
Humans: Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. . .
Other guidelines from this manual include instructions on Doors, Bathrooms, Walking, Bedtime, Play, Paper Bags, Food, Sleeping, and Scratching Posts.
Why Do We Need Humans? They have opposable thumbs. . .
Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?
Punishing Your Human: Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude. . .
Other informative sections of this manual include How Long Should You Keep Your Human? and How And When to Get Your Human's Attention.
We would like to thank Douglas Clark and Roger Collett for the pointers to these helpful and edifying sites. In their honor (they are both poets), an instruction manual for cats in verse (author unknown):