Watermark

Comfort

Karen suggested that we use Friday Cat Blogging this weekend to remember our lost companions; an excellent idea, that I had planned to use. But, the computer problems just make it too difficult -- so instead, this favorite photo of Henry and Spike, already on Flickr, that makes me think: comfort.

And comfort is what I have been experiencing, from your contributions, and even more from your comments. I thank you all.

This is a long weekend in the States, so I will not have more updates until Tuesday,  most likely. In the meantime, I shall enjoy the sun, the garden, and:

Friday Ark
Carnival of the Cats
Carnival of the Dogs

UPDATED Update

I am laughing and crying at the same time. Quiplash, a long-time reader, commenter, and webfriend, has started a SBpoet Blog- Web- Flickr- AThon on my behalf. And people have actually contributed money.

Just look at that picture! This is what you get for using a Creative Commons license. Quiplash, you are too sweet, too funny, for my words.

You people do realize, don't you, that I am a poet? Poets are supposed to be ignored; expected to live in poverty.

And before you contribute to this big-hearted, generous fund, be aware that I do not live in poverty. I have a small house, a small (mossy) car, a small garden. While I am, like many others, one crisis from having to sell it all, I do have it to sell. And this is not that crisis.

Though I admit that it is, for me, a maddening and saddening situation.

I am struggling with mixed feelings about this. It's both flattering and discomfiting to be the object of such attention, and of that painful word, "charity".

For some time, I've battled feelings of insignificance, unimportance, unworthiness. To go from a social-worker workaholic to a disabled layabout is a shock, and one I've not managed well -- at least in some ways. A friend, just a few days ago, told me that my poems and photographs are "soul work" -- important work -- and that I need and "deserve" (another difficult concept for me) to have the tools to do that work.

So I am trying to view this as another challenge to my old, rigid ways; a new path, to be welcomed and greeted with the kindness which inspired it.

More specific updates:

• a port replicator/docking station will not solve the problem, as it connects through the same damaged equipment
• I have a call in to my brother-in-law
• I have a list of places to call and ask if they do 'component level repairs'.
• Just in case, I have a call in to Costco to see if they can find when, exactly, I purchased this computer -- I can't find my receipt, though I know I kept it.

And now -- nap time.  Thank you all. I have still been taking pictures, and they are on this molasses computer for me to play with when energy allows.

Update

Here's the verdict: my HP Pavilion laptop needs a new motherboard, at a cost of $700. I'm not sure this even includes labor -- doesn't matter, as the price is unreachable in any case.

Here's the plan:

• consult with brother-in-law, who knows about computers and may be able to get me a cheaper, used, motherboard (if that's sensible)
• consult with WeLL experts for further advice (one of the several things that makes the monthly WeLL membership worthwhile) 
• hoard energy for less-frequent posting on this tired old desktop
• decide what can be cut from monthly budget to save for repairs or new laptop
• start buying lottery tickets?

Surprisingly, the most frustrating thing to me is not being able to play with photographs as quickly and easily as I could on the laptop. This machine is just too creaky, and sitting up wears me out. I do have everything set up well -- good ergonomics and all that. What I miss next, is reading the blogs I usually spend time with each day.

So, I will be here, and on Flickr -- but with less frequency. Priority here will probably be Friday Cat Blogging, since that's the most popular feature I have.

In the meantime, it's spring, the garden is booming (so full already I can't imagine where everything still to come will grow) and I can sit outside with actual paper books. [Yes, I did mean "booming" -- "blooming" isn't big enough to really express it.]

Last night I dreamt that I was visiting a friend in some fantastic landscape, and telling myself to just enjoy what I was seeing, and quit fretting about what happens next.

Friday Cat Blogging

Ever feel like the world is looking down its nose at you? Everything you look at, breaks; everything you pick up, you drop? At times like this, the only thing to do is play:

Friday Ark
Rascal Fair
Carnival of the Cats
Carnival of the Dogs

Wednesday

Just a quick note, to whine and say -- my laptop is down. Might be the power cord, which the computer store I went to tells me will cost $130, and can't be returned even if it turns out not to be needed. If not the power cord, something worse. And more expensive.

My desktop works, but is much slower and significantly more tiring to use. Just getting this photo onto it, edited, and uploaded to Flickr took nearly an hour. And now to prepare the post.

So -- I may be scarce for awhile.