Last week's topics included listening, perfectionism, risk, and jealousy. Risk is an interesting one for me. I realized quite young that I was risk aversive; I like comfort, and safety. I recognized that many people settle into a job or a place early on, get comfortable, and never move -- physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually -- and that I could easily become one of those people.
So I have, many times, grit my teeth and jumped -- into some job or place or work -- or relationship -- that was new and frightening for me. I have few regrets. Especially now, that health limits my options so severely.
Jump when you can, I say.
Perfectionism and jealousy have been issues for me at times, and I suppose there are remnants (especially of the first) (no, wait -- I envy people who are old and healthy and strong) -- but I've had a long time to live with my shortcomings; a long time to remedy, modify, or accept them.
Jane Hirshfield wrote: "A work of art defines itself into being, when we awaken into it and by it, when we are moved, altered, stirred. It feels as if we have done nothing, only given it a little time, a little space; some hairline-narrow crack opens in the self, and there it is." She goes on to quote Kafka: "You do not even have to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, remain still and solitary. The world will freely off itself to you unasked. It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet."
I decided, on impulse, to go out on an artist date -- and the car wouldn't start. Mysteriously. So I called Kris and asked if, sometime when she was out and about, she could drop by her battery charger. She came the next day, with the charger, and the harp she has built (from a kit) for Abigail. This harp has a big, round voice. Kris was going to play just a little, but I wheedled.
When I asked, Kris explained that the reason recorded music does not turn my bones to butter, like live music does, is that recorded music lacks overtones, especially music recorded to compact discs. This, apparently, is the essence of the debate about vinyl vs. cd's.