Snapshot 17 May 02006

REVISED Thursday 18 May:

In dreams I swim
through crowded pools.
I am infinitely malleable

and invisible; transparent
as this light, falling
on the paving stones.

A scarred and scrawny
squirrel scolds me
from the lilac tree. Why?

What have I done, or left
undone, that has offended
you? The feeder is full, water

pours from the fountain.
Solomon's seal curves
gently in the shade.

My life is an empty gourd.
What more must I do?

Original beneath the cut.

Original version:

In dreams I swim
through crowded pools. I am made
of some clay-like substance,

infinitely malleable and invisible;
transparent as this light, falling
on the paving stones. A scarred

and scrawny squirrel scolds me
from the lilac tree. Why? What
have I done, or left undone,

that has offended you?
The feeder is full, water pours
from the fountain. Solomon's

seal curves gently in the shade.
My life is an empty gourd.
What more must I do?

Comments

[Dave]

The inclusion of Solomon's seal, along with the general subject matter, makes me think that this poem should really be entitled "Watermark."

One way or another, nice work.

[endment]

wonderful combination!

[shona]

Seriously nice poem—I like…

In dreams I swim…

Kind of a surreal beginning to an over-crowded day…

Keep em’ coming

[harmony]

I love these both versions, I don't know which one I like best.

[Cathy]

Excellent!