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21 January 2008

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Christine

You write about our words, and how ephemeral they are, just like our lives, but you write so fluidly that it seems like the words will last forever. Beautiful!

Tumblewords

I thought it was lovely. No suggestions.

Alan Bender

There is nothing so illusive as a thought however temporary. Sweet on the tongue.

gautami tripathy

it scans...

Jo

Yes, lovely ideas beautifully put.

paisley

you know,, i didn't use my entry to read write poem on this,, but what i did use,, is probably what i should have entered on read write poem... as i was way outside my comfort zone on this one!!!!

Sweet Talking Guy

Yeah, well written, I try to write on hearts and touch souls but most of it goes down the plug-hole in the wash on shirt sleeves.

SB

I'm glad y'all liked it, though it certainly doesn't scan in Montana English! I used to have a British roommate to read my poems back to me, so I could hear them in another -- language, so to speak...

I really was trying for the form, including iambic metre -- but perhaps what I must do is just change the title, since it seems to work as a poem, even if not (strictly speaking) as a sonnet.

Linda Jacobs

Isn't the idea of poetry to break some rules and be unique? I say keep sonnet in the title. I really love it! You described the different aspects of poem writers so beautifully! Love the first line!

Tiel Aisha Ansari

It's a good poem. Is it a sonnet? Honestly that depends on whom you're asking.

If you were going to try to get this published, I would say, scan through a few issues of the journal you're submitting it to and see if they accept unmetered/irregularly metered sonnets. Many do.

Rather than mess around with meter, I think I'd work on bringing the second and third stanza up to the level of the first... you have strong imagery there.

SB

Thank you -- I think you're right. The first stanza seems much tighter to me.

Since I don't try to publish (it takes all my energy just to write) I needn't worry about that, and can concentrate just on making a better poem.

annieelf

To go from a water tablet to a stone tablet in 14 lines - I'm truly impressed. I found myself leaning into the screen, so drawn in was I by the words.

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