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07 January 2008

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Jo

beautiful flow

Crafty green Poet

You've captured the atmosphere of dreams perfectly

Christine

You wake in the fog of morning, slanted
bars of light on the ceiling. These images

wrap the shoulders of your waking hours.
You wear this shawl through your long days.

You seal the poem well here. Dreams are intriguing, a great source for poems, in my opinion.

Cathy

Very haunting poem. You makes you wonder if it's better to just stay in bed and pull the cover over your head.

paisley

this was lovely... so lovely in fact... i wish i had written it myself....

PetMono

ah dreams. both the great ones and the bad ones. do they really mean anything? someone who charges me for their opinions will say "most definitely!"

the writer conveyed several vivid scenes with words. well, that's what writers do. ask the late night hosts at the moment.

i notice, the writer's dreams are different than mine. maybe i can suggest content for another dream post! here goes...

can't move, stuck.
steps out of hotel with no address, phone #, name of hotel! what city?!
waiting for a train: one by one each bag is creatively stolen.
did not say something important to someone important to me when the chance was there - many chances.
can't dial the phone number on these damn little phones - and it's a life threatening situation!
waiting years to be discharged from military obligation, waiting for college diploma.
forgetting who my children are.
going to a restaurant and only deep fried entrees on menu.

yes, these are the "great" dreams...

although...i do enjoy it when i am : flying, making the winning basket, running without tiring, executing the perfect spinning hook kick, hitting the perfect five iron, helicopter skiing, salsa dancing, making the most meaningful gesture.

ok, there is content here. shrinks not apply.

sbpoet, your insightful prose inspired a moment here. thank you for that...

Linda Jacobs

The simplicity of these dream images is haunting and so perfect!

SB

Oh! I have those dreams, too -- the hotel dreams, the train, plane, and telephone dreams.

"making the most meaningful gesture" -- now, there's a line for a poem.

Fran

"You walk through the rooms of your life"
From great age these lines speak to me--thank you, Fran

gautami tripathy

I think dreams are symbolic. Sometimes they prepare for what is to come. I should know...

Niki

"These dreams wrap the shoulders of your waking hours"...I loved this line. Some days a dream hangs over me all day. I perhaps can't even remember it, but a feeling persists like I have one foot in another world that I'm not part of.

SB

I'm still not satisfied with the last line. Stay tuned for even more revision...

Anne

Perfect. Do you wonder, or wish, at times, if perhaps your dreams are dreaming you?

Rachel

This is a delicious one to read aloud; I love the rhythms of it. Most of these lines have four stresses, in my mouth and ear (some have three), and that gives the poem a kind of internal motion that I like a lot.

SB

Anne: Yes!

Rachel: Thank you for devoting that level of attention -- your observations might help me with revising the last lines...

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