2009-04-06 this moment free-write [slightly edited]

maybe something will come if i just start typing
of course, immediately i want a smoke
and feel the tiredness of body & mind 

if i don't have more than ten notes in an afternoon
i feel all smudgy and inadequate
now i remember an email to be answered

a phone call to return, anything but
the empty page, the blank screen
dogs curled, disconsolate, at my side

longing for walks they still remember
weeks since they've had one, weeks
since this body has really moved

stepped into the real world past this door
the twice-widowed parakeet mourning in his cage
cat & kitten arguing territory upstairs

me watching the email counter, watching, watching
waiting for it to change, as if one more
one more email, possibly from an actual person

might lift my spirits, might make the day

but when it turns over, one more, it's just
a social network that i ignore, a virtual net-
work of virtual people, none of whom i know

the cats bring their fight downstairs,
agitating the dogs, cracking the silence
of this solitude