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This was drawn nearly 20 years ago, but is suitable for today. I seem to be riding emotional waves lately. Relationships can be so . . . difficult.
Anger, especially, with all its relatives: judgement, self-pity, despair. But also, sometimes: clarity, resolution, action. Always that fear, though, that it will overcome me; overwhelm others -- that, once roused, it will consume us all.
See it there, waiting, sinister, hungry?
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We apologize for the intermittent slow performance of TypePad web sites over the past 2-3 [more like 7 - editorial comment] days. We're having some problems with our storage servers, so we're scheduling a hardware upgrade for the early morning of Saturday, May 28, 2004, from 12:00am to 2:00am Pacific time. During that time, TypePad-powered sites and TypePad itself will be down for maintenance. Thanks for your patience!Posted by Mena on May 26, 2004
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too
ill to
write a snapshot
In the third night of heart-attack dreams
(hearts cracking in the shell of the body)I get out of my bed and watch the pale
cracked egg of the moon. I picture youat your desk in the prison, holding this
poem in one hand, reading. You reach outthe other, spread wide like a fan, and touch
these words on the page. (I see my heartin your hand like an egg, pulsing, blue
and untouched.) A poem is thin,translucent as skin at the wrist, a blue
arterial map of the coursing of bloodfrom the heart to the reaching limbs
of the body, channels of veins pulsing backto the hollow muscle of heart. I think
about touch and the pretenseof touching. I think of the graying
and thinning of hair, how it touches the twolobes of the ear. I think of your voice
on the wire through the air, the feel of itrough through my hair to the ear,
how it enters my body and follows the flowof veins to my heart, through flexible vessels
of blood, to my double-lobed, four-chamberedheart. I climb from my membrane of sheets
in the night, to sit at a desk in the cellof my house, to tell you (the blue translucence
of eggs) you heart beats obliquein its restless cage, small as your hand,
or mine, and it grows, heavier, widerdeeper with time (you hold in your broad,
tangible hand, this delicate skin, readingthese thin blue lines down the page) ticking
with mortal fragility.
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The first blue morning in six days. In drought country, it is bad form to complain about rain -- and I don't -- but surely I can be forgiven for welcoming the sun?
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TypePad has been having problems with comment spamming, and either that or their solution to that has slowed page loading -- sometimes pages load quickly but oddly. This has been happening off and on for several days now. I can only ask that you be patient -- and if the page loads oddly, try holding down your shift key while loading; this sometimes works for me.
I hope they resolve this soon.
in Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (2)
A Must-Read, from BLAUGUSTINE. She suggests some (very unrealistic) treatments, including:
1. Blog only once a week, choose a day (haven't decided which day yet).
2. Check stats only once a week (you cannot be serious??)
No permalinks, scroll to May 22. -- Hey! Look at this -- I've learned something new! There's a trick called PurpleSlurple which mysteriously lets you "make" a permalink (a purple-link) where there wasn't one before. So go to BLAUGUSTINE May 22, and there you are! (Found via Radio Free Blogistan.)
ADDENDUM
The above is especially relevant today, since I just started a new weblog: Blogging Blog. This is a place for me to practice new skills.
I've learned a lot doing this one, but it's all "surface" learning, using the easy stuff TypePad provides. I have a "pro" account, and could do much more, but don't want to risk messing up the template for Watermark. So I've made a place I can mess up. I'll be moving my blogging and tech links over there, and sharing the angst as I experience it.
Feel free to visit and advise.
in Blogging | Permalink | Comments (9)
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