Are you fond of this affirmation?
TREATING MYSELF LIKE
A PRECIOUS OBJECT
WILL MAKE ME STRONG
Have you, as directed, drawn it out and hung it on your wall? If so, you may want to quit reading this now. Because I detest it, and I am about to tell you why.
Let me acknowledge that the depth of my dislike is an indication that some unresolved feeling is attached to this; fears of vulnerability and weakness. But even without that, the connotations of this language -- precious, object -- are cringe-worthy.
I did some free-association writing this morning.
precious: over-valued, sentimental, delicate, breakable, 'sensitive', easily damaged, The Princess & The Pea, sweet, ornamental, useless, decorative, costly, over-priced, cute . . .
object: not subject, to objectify, thing, inanimate, mindless, goal, protest . . .
Here are some selections from Thesaurus.com:
precious: affected, alembicated, artful, artificial, chichi, choosy, dainty, delicate, fastidious, finicky, fragile, fussy, la-di-da, nice, ostentatious, overnice, overrefined, particular, persnickety, picky, pretentious, précieux, refined, showy, sophisticated, stagy, studied; apish, artificial, artsy, artsy-craftsy, assumed, awkward, campy, chichi, conceited, contrived, counterfeit, counterfeited, faked, false, feigned, fraud, ham, hammy, highfalutin, hollow, imitated, insincere, melodramatic, ostentatious, overdone, pedantic, phoney, phony, playacting, pompous, pretended, pretentious, put-on, schmaltzy, self-conscious, shallow, sham, shammed, simulated, spurious, stiff, stilted, studied, superficial, theatrical, unnatural . . .
Now, granted that definitions include:
pre·cious
adj.
- Of high cost or worth; valuable.
- Highly esteemed; cherished.
- Dear; beloved.
- Affectedly dainty or overrefined: precious mannerisms.
- Informal. Thoroughgoing; unmitigated: a precious mess.
You can see, I think, why I cringe. Then we have object:
Main Entry: object
Part of Speech: noun 1
Definition: thing
Synonyms: article, body, bulk, commodity, dealie-bob, dohickey, doodad, entity, fact, gadget, gimmick, gizmo, item, jobby, mass, matter, phenomenon, reality, something, substance, thing, volume, whatchamacallit, widget
I am not a precious object.
My mother, when I was small and beautiful, treated me like a doll. She dressed me up in pretty clothes. Every time I got them dirty, she changed them. Beautiful dolls are precious objects. Dolls do not feel. If a doll breaks inside, where no one can see, that is not a problem. It is only what shows, what mars or scars the surface, that matters. Dolls do not feel pain.
I am not a doll. I am not an object, precious or otherwise. I am a living, feeling, human animal; and in that is all my particular, unique, and universal value.
LIVING FROM MY CENTER MAKES ME STRONG
Oooo. I did not really like Cameron's quote at all and it bugged me, but I couldn't nail why. I don't have the same issues - I never was objectified - and yet I think this was it. If it wasn't, I don't care: your statement is so, SO much more powerful than hers - it really resonates for me.
Thank you for sharing both your experience, and your alternate statement.
Posted by: Laura | 25 February 2006 at 02:46 PM
It's tricky, isn't it? On the one hand, I do realize that many women have learned to take care of others, and slight themselves. I've been somewhat guilty of that, especially regarding health care and injuries (don't be a baby!)
And we do need to care for ourselves. And refusing to do so does not make us stronger; it simply makes us more vulnerable to illness and fatigue.
But this lack of precision in language, this -- almost painfully feminine idea of preciousness and fragility -- is a poor approach, in my opinion.
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in that opinion. Thanks.
Posted by: SB | 25 February 2006 at 03:49 PM
I'm in complete agreement with you! I prefer the second statement also. :)
Posted by: michelle | 25 February 2006 at 03:53 PM
I got a lot out of "The Artist's Way" when I read it several years ago, but I agree with you that the "precious object" thing is lame. I like "Living from my center makes me strong" MUCH more - I assume that's your phrase?
Posted by: David Gans | 25 February 2006 at 05:47 PM
Hi David -- nice to see you here!
I'm getting a lot out of this, myself. I must confess that, since I am frequently irritated by various of the author's quirks, I'm really annoyed to find so much wisdom there.
Probably one of those spiritual tests people talk about ...
As to the 'Center' phrase, it's what came to me, but I would not swear it came from me; I may well have seen it elsewhere.
Posted by: SB | 25 February 2006 at 05:57 PM
Why is it we so often think that things we see in print are accurate and valid?
Authors frequently use poor analogies --- they frequently misuse language --- or even worse, seem to imply that “one size fits all.”
Should we perhaps trust our own judgment a bit more and be comfortable and willing to keep the good and throw out the bad, recognizing that authors (as well as their editors), like the rest of us, have not yet attained perfection.
Posted by: endment | 25 February 2006 at 07:01 PM
that's too funny, i just wrote a comment to greenish lady about the same thing. i didn't like it the first time either, so i shifted it to "treating myself like gold will make me strong." a bunch of people in my first group also changed the language of it to make it fit better for them. good for you for finding a mantra that fits you!
Posted by: kat | 26 February 2006 at 06:51 PM
I like your statement better also and am going to change mine. Thanks, SB
Posted by: Niki Robinson | 27 February 2006 at 07:21 AM
When I was a small child I had long, strawberry blonde curls. (You can see me in a favourite photo, here.)
People always tell me I looked like a doll.
Mom says I used to answer, hands on little hips: "I am not a doll, I'm a perwson."
Of course, she was the one who had to field the must-be-one-of-those-feminists dirty looks.
Thanks, Mom.
Posted by: Erin (who hates it too) | 27 February 2006 at 09:59 AM