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12 April 2006


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I like this, the words flow, the unusual imagery have a symmetry (sinks like rage, poisoning symmetry, misfire...brain, another of the same. A dynamic energy.


This is very important testimony - it's possible that no one's ever written a poem about this before. So I hope you make a mental note to come back to it in a month or three. Not that it isn't already pretty good. "Sink[ing] like rage into the floor" is powerful. Not sure about the repetion of "another" - seems a little lazy, like something I'd do.


Thanks, Dave -- note made!

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