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07 December 2007


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that was truly amazing... it read like a classic... i couldn't get my mind totally around it,, but then,, that would be me... once again... bravo!!!


I liked this. (I may have to steal your idea of posting an image if I take challenge #4.) But your basic rhythm and approach to language haven't changed much. It's still recognizably an SB poem.

Mary Scriver

Wow! This blew ME away! Just enough narrative to empower the images... clean enough but evocative enough images to impell the narrative to the end.

Prairie Mary


paisley & Mary: Thank you.

Dave: You sent me back to look at it again. Despite the long lines, I've used quite a lot of short sentences and clauses, haven't I? I wonder -- does this do the same thing as line breaks?

I've always thought line breaks were so critical...

This exercise was very useful; I plan to repeat it, and look forward to your experiment, too. If you think of a better solution than the image, let me know.


This was very powerful, very well done indeed, one of the best things I've read in ages. I must go read it again.


I have the same impression Paisley did - a nonverbal kind of wow! Really awesome.

Crafty Green Poet

This is beautiful, there's something mysterious about it and I love the movement in it

Linda Jacobs

I love all the specifics in here. My mouth just wants to say them over and over. This reminds me of the poetic prose in A Thousand Splendid Suns. Each imgage is so delicious!.


I can read this over and over and find new meanings. It feels as powerful as an acient parable.


This was an excellent exercise. I love the refrain of "I send you," the alternation of long and short lines, and the surreal twists and turns this poem took. Nice job!


It is what it is - nicely written!


Yo, Jessica -- this poem doesn't have any short lines -- you must be looking at the text version, which breaks the lines because of the narrow column width; the real thing is in the image, long-lined couplets.

But you *like* the broken lines -- so I'll look at it again...


This has a wonderfully incantatory feel to it, Sharon. The long lines support the repetitive cadences & the whole piece works most effectively read out loud. Striking & original.


Oh HOW I LOVE this poem....

I had the same problems with my line breaks..I can not fathom how you inserteted the text..but I admire it!

This poem just sang to me.

And we both used squirrels..and exotic ingredients..

i love kismet..a meeting of minds..


Really great take on both prompts! I had never even considered the effect of the medium on the format (and, for the record, I think it works better with the long lines.)

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