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12 July 2008


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You did a beautiful job.

Crafty Green Poet

It's so interesting to see the three different versions, they're very different poems. I really like the final version, there's something about the first stanza about the moon that really adds to the overall effect

karen crone

Love "soft underwater feel of a tree--//shaded room" and the use of the phrase "holding (your)self together."

Thanks for having the courage to murder your darling right in front of us. It's nice to see the process.

Sweet Talking Guy..

Hi, like the 'final version' loads, it's good to see the process. I did like the line 'taste of ashes' though..


Honestly I like both the top version, as well as, the original version. I appreciate both. This is such a nice poem, I liked it a great deal.


Thanks so much for sharing not just the poem but its various incarnations... each version gets more tightly packed with meaning as you whittle away the extra words. It's interesting that there's no suggestion of "his absence" in the final version - was this deliberate? Excellent work, anyway!


Thanks for posting the original and the changes. The final poem is my favorite but it's interesting to follow the revisions!


I like all three versions. I found it interesting that the first version , you spoke in first person but in the second and the final (?) version, you spoke in third person. Great work!


one more believer

thank you for sharing the process.. thought it was great to see the unfolding of yr poem and thoughts.. dropping words, focusing on the imagine, the simplicity of words..enough to leave a print.. i liked all three really...

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