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04 August 2008

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Nathan

If you wanted to you could revise this into something more traditional through formatting, incorporating the different parts into a meditation about the woman, something like that, but I think this is really amazing in this form. It's a poetic exploration with the figure of the woman as its base taking the form of a mosaic of texts. What's the fancy word? heteroglossia I think. I really love it.

Crafty green Poet

I love this the way it is, its like flicking through a scrapbook,

Anne

Deeply in love, we two. I was sure of it. And then, one day, i noticed. His side of the bed had no scent when he arose to go about his day. Nothing on the sheets, nor pillowcase, nor me. I knew at that moment it was almost love, almost a lot of things that would never last. I was right.

Dave

Great collage. You're really cooking lately.

A~Lotus

For me personally, I think you may want to work on a bit with the formatting of the entire poem. Some stanzas are written one way and others, something else. It's kinda hard on the eyes.

However, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you incorporated references (i.e. Wiki, terms, definitions, etc..) to this poem and REALLY MADE IT FLOW!! Like everyone else has said before me, it reads like a collage and/or a scrapbook. :)

I enjoyed this poem overall.

gautami tripathy

I like the disjointed thoughts worked into it. They blend for me. Pieces of paper pasted. dusted and shining. Thats how it felt for me. I like it!

yellowed piece of paper

twitches

To me, this looks like much of the "new" poetry I am reading that is influenced by the presence of the Internet. There's so much going on out there that I am afraid I am sometimes too old to pull off, but the fact that I can appreciate it means maybe there's hope for me! I like the creativity here, the new formatting, the inclusion of this medium that is such a presence in our modern lives. Very cool, and very "now" as well. Go you!

niki

I liked all of this - the poetry, visuals, information, "smelling in my mind" each one of the smells you have listed!

I especially like the simple story of the woman folding her laundry. I saw my grandmother in that - she continued to dry her clothes outside because they smelled better (and she is right!) And now I know what that smell is....THE DAY!! Love that!

SB

Oh, it's a collage! Well, of course it is...

And, Niki -- I was seeing my own grandmother as I wrote that part of the ... collage.

Annamari

"A woman hangs laundry on the line.
The grass is freshly mowed.
She wears an apron.
Starch, under a hot iron."

this reminds me of my own grandmother. Thanks.

Lirone

Hmmm... I think what you have here is some first class ingredients with which to cook, but not a meal yet! I feel there are two poems here (at least) - one about smells through a relationship, another about smells through a lifetime....

Would you mind, in the spirit of collaborating on poems, if I had a play around with your images to see what I come up with? Obviously feel free to say no if you'd prefer to continue working on these alone!

SB

Please, have at it!

Lirone

Thanks for letting me play with your words and images - I enjoyed it a lot! Here is the poem I came up with: Scent story.

christine

These poems are amazing! I love how each one stands alone, yet together they are like beads on a necklace, each one making a whole. Moments and scenarios of scent, this is inspired work.
My critique? Keep doing what you're doing.

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