Watermark

Crying at the computer

I don't cry. I'm one of those people whose friends are incessantly pointing out the therapeutic benefits of "letting go".  I totally agree with them; I just don't do it.

Except tonight. Tonight I sat at my computer and sobbed. I had to get up and go get kleenex (trademark).

All because of something I know to be silly, to be trivial – but brought me to tears anyway.

These past weeks have been exhilarating and difficult for me, as I've begun to do things I never imagined myself doing. All these images, that I don't really understand, and don't really believe in. Value. Trust. Something ...

I began this in mid-March, when I came across Art Journal Caravan while looking into art journaling for my goddess-daughter. I was so intrigued that she never even got the links – I just started doing it myself. One link leads to another, and so I found Deviant Scrap.

Deviant Scrap puts out a monthly digital magazine called The Deviant Muse. I was fascinated by last month's (which is, of course, the first I saw.) Such amazing images. Such possibilities.

I downloaded the new issue last night.

Two of my pages are in it.

I'm not even sure what all I'm feeling, through my tears. Relief, that what I'm doing appeals to someone? Validation? Over-whelmed, to be sure.

Creativity is such a struggle for me. It was years of anguish before I could write without pain. Now, trying something so new, it comes back. That uncertainty, that lack of trust in my own imagination, my own intuition, my own skills.

And – what is a sixty-four year old poet doing at a place called Deviant Scrap?

She's doing this. These are the pages they published, one serious, but a bit silly; the other entirely silly:

 

 

Maybe it's time for me to engage in a bit of silliness. Well, clearly.

I'm always curious, is creativity this difficult for others? Is it difficult for you? Does the validation you receive for your efforts vanish to mist the very next day?

I'm writing – and posting – this to remind myself: don't forget.

[Click the photos for larger versions & credits at flickr.]

 

underwear

[... bet that title gets me some disappointed hits]

 

This is for a challenge from Three Muses. I did this one first, then realized I was taking this challenge a bit too literally.

 

So I did another:

 

 

Click the photos to see larger & credits at flickr.

 

Room

Do I have any idea what I'm doing with these?

I do not.

 

 

This one is for a challenge at Collage Obsession.

Click the photo to go to flickr for credits & a larger view.

don't do this

My grandmother was a young mother when she took this photo. She was quite proud of it for awhile, then realized the possible consequences and hid it in a drawer.

Because I’m innocent (of this, anyway) I get to hang it on my wall and enjoy it...

 

PostScript: how much should we risk for our art?

(click image to go to flickr for larger image & credits)

You may expect ...

... coins to fall from the sky, but it's more likely to be

 

... rain, or snow, or bird turds.

 

[click the image for credits & larger version at flickr]

 

Second

I've joined another collage group:

Twice each month Green Paper sends (paying) group members collage sheets, technique tips, and prompts to work with.

My first effort also serves as one of my adjectives for the Art Journal Caravan 2011 {Adjectives Project}:

 

[click image for credits on flickr, and for larger version]

Meditation on Reality

 I've joined a collage group on flickr:

Collage Play with Crowabout

Each week Crowabout aka Nancy Baumiller will post a page of  ***collage elements for you to print out and use in the weekly challenge and have a chance to win a goodie prize (one lucky member will be randomly selected to win)

*** Some of these collage elements may not be something that you are use to, the idea is to challenge you to see elements in a different light and incorporate them into your art.

Digital collage, or art journaling, or ... something ... seems to be what I'm doing right now, and prompts are being very useful.

Even though it may be a bit of a shock for my readers, I've decided to start posting again regularly. But I'll be posting what I'm actually doing.

Which will no doubt be poems, on occasion. But for now will be:

 

 How sure are you?

[click image for credits on flickr, and for larger version]

I look up ...

I look up from my preoccupations and see ... the hellebore is blooming.

 

 

Creative people ...

"Creative people must entertain lots of silly ideas in order to receive the occasional strokes of genius."  Marshall Cook

This is for Art Journal Caravan 2011. I amused myself making this layout.

 

Papers (layered) from Anna Aspnes, DeviantScrap, and ninascraps designs. Elements from Anna Aspnes, Paula Kesselring, Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan, and Rosie Rowe.