where are you now?

 

one should not have to reminisce

                alone

 

you on the sofa, carving

wood curls at your feet

my white cat across your shoulders

big cat             bigger shoulders

 

how we laughed

 

walking together

small town streets

brushing through

slurs

 

me in my bell jar of privilege

what i did not see

                    white blindness

 

arms entwined

white             black

 

bodies entwined

                        chiaroscuro

 

i ask why you keep playing

through injuries, surgeries, pain

 

you ask why i keep studying

through exhaustion & disillusion

 

no difference

                you say

 

the night i learned to not

startle you awake

                combat marine

 

your patient teaching

                heart-breaking

                world-breaking

 

your large hands holding

                it all together

 

i should have stayed

i should have held tight

 

how we laughed!